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Repackaging Blues

4 Sep, 2007 By: Billy Gil

At Comic-Con last month, I asked 300 director Zack Snyder if the film will see another release soon, despite its coming to video that day. He said watch for the “crazy ultra wacky steroid edition.”

The thing is — I'm not sure if he was kidding.

For years studios have been spit-shining musty catalog titles and slipping them into something sexier, be it collectible o-ring packaging or tying related titles together in boxed sets. Not only are those sets beginning to look a little like the Castle Grayskull toy I had as a child, but also I'm not sure we need to see certain special editions and repackaged titles.

It begs the question: Aren't there worthier avenues for studios to spend resources on, such as unearthing new talent, rather than shoveling out something that might have been released just last year?

Of course, studios know what they're doing. For instance, consumers will eat up anything superhero related, so we should expect to see the likes of X-Men 0 and Spider-Man 3.25 (note: not actual titles … yet).

Here are a few releases I'm afraid we'll see:

The Bloated Epic Boxed Set: Includes an additional nine hours of footage for Alexander, a featurette on how Keira Knightley balanced archery lessons and dating famous people while filming King Arthur, and the deleted “good” scenes of Troy.

The Movies That Sucked the First Time But Now People Like Them For Some Reason Set: Remember how Caligula, Cruisin', Ishtar, Shanghai Surprise, Showgirls and Hollow Man were panned upon initial release? Studios hope you don't.

The America's Youth Is a Wasteland Collection: Recent sets have included film adaptations of classic novels paired with their respective Cliffs Notes. Why not go all the way and abridge the films to 22-minute episodes, starring ‘D'-list actors and lesser-known sibling actors? Heads up for the abridged Of Mice and Men set, starring Daniel Baldwin, Alexis Arquette, Chad Lowe, Shawn Wayans, and, why not, Michael Madsen. (Sorry Fox, I had to go there. We still love you.)

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